For most of my life, I was forced to be responsible for my caregiver’s emotions. I did not realize this however until I was almost out of high school. This issue was like a domino effect because it caused me to become acutely aware of how other people were feeling even though I didn’t want to. I was always observing people and watching them without even realizing it. By developing this habit, it has caused me to be hyper-aware and hyper-sensitive of my own actions and surroundings.
In order to help myself get through this I started going to CAPS so that I could talk through this and other issues I’ve had to deal with along with school. Going to CAPS really helped me feel affirmed in my feelings and feel heard which is something that I hadn’t felt before. This feeling of affirmation and feeling heard was something that I wanted to continue feeling, so I looked for ways to affirm myself while continuing to work on my healing journey. One of the ways I did this was redirecting conversations away from topics that made me feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed and also started to tip toe over my boundary line.
For instance, there was a time where I had to have a serious conversation with a parent about them crossing a boundary. Their response was disappointing, but I understood that it came from their own trauma and was not in any way my fault. I thanked them for listening and moved on from the conversation. I could go on about this experience, but there’s no point. I know how to detach myself from things that aren’t healthy, and if that means not responding, then it is what it is. This skill has aided me so much because it has become one of the small ways that I am able to separate home from school by just being in the moment and not allowing myself to think about other people’s problems.
